Black men and black women: the myth of the warring sexes
Great emphasis is placed on the battle of the sexes in the black media although it may be necessary to highlight problems in the black community it is imperative that constructive and positive solutions are given. It is time for black women and men to stop blaming each other and look at the wider picture. More focus should be placed on why there appears to be a fall in the number of black family units.
John Henrik Clarke stated in his video ‘A Great and Mighty Walk’ that one of the solutions to black unity and prosperity is the creation and preservation of the black family. Unfortunately black couples become caught up in the stereotypical values and morals of the wider society and fail to understand that black people have to operate by different rules. Why is this? Our history dictates that we need to operate differently.
Most of the articles in the media concentrates on the following superficial stereotypical arguments for example:
Black Women
Black women have a bad attitude
They are too materialistic
They are unattractive
Black women are too aggressive
Over weight
Their appearances is too fake eg weaves, contacts lenses etc
Black Men
Black men are lazy
Fail to support the black women emotionally and financially
They do not play their role as a father and the head of the household
Too violent and unable to communicate
Not affectionate, not romantic and too shallow and materialistic and fails to protect the black woman’s honour.
Plays lip service to black issues only, while acting in a way which shows a lack of consciousness.
There is no point in denying that there are issues on both sides however, each side needs to find a solution by looking at each others strong points upholding them, then looking at the root cause of some of the more negative issues as they may be found outside the individual’s character trait for example the man maybe having difficulty finding a job, although he maybe a clever man his potential may have been missed or ignored at school. This is an issue that the couple can work on together to enhance his chances of finding employment.
The black couple are in a unique position whereby they have to contend with, the legacy of slavery, discrimination, the obstacles which appears to be in place to dismantle and crush the black family. Unfortunately black people get caught up in societies norms of what is beautiful, the perfect figure, what a man or woman should be like, and feminism etc. We as black women and men cannot operate under these rules. If we do, our self destruction is assured. According to the UK 2001 census, black British males were around 50% more likely than black females to marry outside their race. Can we rely on these statistics? Is this a myth? If not, why is this the case? Are black males today less aware than their ancestors that the black family is the vital organ which is required for black community and nation building? Do they not understand that since our ancestors held it together in order to survive slavery, the least we could do is try and hold it together to overcome the mental conditioning and strive together to fight for our continual existence.
The black child is the most valuable gift that a black couple could have. It is important that we love and cherish, talk to them and be a part of their lives, guide them and chastise them when required, teach them how to be men and women, teach them how to respect each other and probably call each other brother and sister instead of some of the more degrading names which are used today, teach them our history and how we are perceived in the world but most importantly what our real position in the world is and how integral it is to unite overcome our trials and fulfil our great destiny. There is no room for abandoning our children if they mess up as it is our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to help them through their problems and help them to move forward in a positive direction. They will appreciate your help and loyalty in the long run.
The black child needs to understand that there are rules which they need to stick to if they want to succeed. They need to talk with their parents, find out what are the goals which their parents have for them, also discuss with their parents any plausible ambitions which they may have and come to some conclusion as to what action is required to achieve them and follow it through. These children also need to know the value of hard work, to be honest and humble with their parents if they mess up. Usually the parent will over react at the disappointing news however, they tend to be very supportive after calming down. There is a saying – ‘experience is a great teacher but fools learn from it.’ not strictly true but the message here is, before you do something always think how it will benefit or harm you. Following your peers is more often than not a bad idea. So children get smart, remember you are the next generation of black leaders and nation builders.
GREAT! with your kind permission would like post 1st paragraph and link back to story at our site. Thanks
By: WBMT on January 20, 2008
at 11:25 pm
Hi alkebulanwoman. I love the picture you used at the beginning of your blog post, it is beautiful! I would have to say I agree with you. We spend so much time placing the blame game (oh black women is the problem or black men is the problem) we argue and argue but the problem never gets solved. I think deep down some of us know what the problem is in the black community (too few) but too many of us have been so brainwashed by the media.
I mean look at the little black childern today. I was watching a video on Youtube that was in the UK (similar to the video A Girl Like Me) in the video ALL the black children preffered the white doll over the black doll. NO ONE for the young black generation to look up to but rappers.
Also then the same child who may of preffered to pick the white doll a teenage mother, passing down how little she knows to that child. This is so worring. We do not want our children to grow up hating black men or women. So we need to stop the blame game, stop all the talking because action needs to be taken to save the next generation.
http://lilkemet.wordpress.com
By: lilkemet on January 21, 2008
at 10:28 am
In response to the sterotypes that you listed, I would say that I was fortunate to have a father who was black, and loving! I thank the Lord that I had a father who cared, worked hard for our family, and was devoted to my mother. I found a letter from him to my mother that had been written in the 1960’s! My father had been a World War II Veteran. He became a Sgt. in the United States Army! That was a amazing! Especially during a time like that. My father also became a Practical Nurse! He held two jobs and my mother did not work. She cared for the house. My father paid for piano lessons, violin lessons, and organ lessons. My black father even allowed my mother to open her own antique shop in Jamaica Queens! Yes, for me those were good years. My father died young at the age of 59…for diabetes. What a loss! But when he passed his white and black Army reservists, co-workers from Brooklyn Jewish Hospital, and Creedmoore Childrens Hospital thronged his funeral. He had been well known for his love of joking and comedy! Despite his quite serious care and concern for his family! —-With all that I am saying….DO CONTINUE TO BLOG ABOUT THE POWER OF LOVE AND THE STENGTH OF THE BLACK MALE AND BLACK FEMALE IN AMERICA, IN THE UK, ALL AROUND THE WORLD!!!! THERE IS HOPE!!!
GREAT POST!
By: riveroflifelisajoy on February 27, 2008
at 5:50 am