Posted by: alkebulanwoman | January 20, 2008

The End Of The Black Family In The UK

Black men and black women: the myth of the warring sexes

Great emphasis is placed on the battle of the sexes in the black media although it may be necessary to highlight problems in the black community it is imperative that constructive and positive solutions are given. It is time for black women and men to stop blaming each other and look at the wider picture. More focus should be placed on why there appears to be a fall in the number of black family units.

John Henrik Clarke stated in his video ‘A Great and Mighty Walk’ that one of the solutions to black unity and prosperity is the creation and preservation of the black family. Unfortunately black couples become caught up in the stereotypical values and morals of the wider society and fail to understand that black people have to operate by different rules. Why is this? Our history dictates that we need to operate differently.

Most of the articles in the media concentrates on the following superficial stereotypical arguments for example:

Black Women

Black women have a bad attitude

They are too materialistic

They are unattractive

Black women are too aggressive

Over weight

Their appearances is too fake eg weaves, contacts lenses etc

Black Men

Black men are lazy

Fail to support the black women emotionally and financially

They do not play their role as a father and the head of the household

Too violent and unable to communicate

Not affectionate, not romantic and too shallow and materialistic and fails to protect the black woman’s honour.

Plays lip service to black issues only, while acting in a way which shows a lack of consciousness.

There is no point in denying that there are issues on both sides however, each side needs to find a solution by looking at each others strong points upholding them, then looking at the root cause of some of the more negative issues as they may be found outside the individual’s character trait for example the man maybe having difficulty finding a job, although he maybe a clever man his potential may have been missed or ignored at school. This is an issue that the couple can work on together to enhance his chances of finding employment.

The black couple are in a unique position whereby they have to contend with, the legacy of slavery, discrimination, the obstacles which appears to be in place to dismantle and crush the black family. Unfortunately black people get caught up in societies norms of what is beautiful, the perfect figure, what a man or woman should be like, and feminism etc. We as black women and men cannot operate under these rules. If we do, our self destruction is assured. According to the UK 2001 census, black British males were around 50% more likely than black females to marry outside their race. Can we rely on these statistics? Is this a myth? If not, why is this the case? Are black males today less aware than their ancestors that the black family is the vital organ which is required for black community and nation building? Do they not understand that since our ancestors held it together in order to survive slavery, the least we could do is try and hold it together to overcome the mental conditioning and strive together to fight for our continual existence.

The black child is the most valuable gift that a black couple could have. It is important that we love and cherish, talk to them and be a part of their lives, guide them and chastise them when required, teach them how to be men and women, teach them how to respect each other and probably call each other brother and sister instead of some of the more degrading names which are used today, teach them our history and how we are perceived in the world but most importantly what our real position in the world is and how integral it is to unite overcome our trials and fulfil our great destiny. There is no room for abandoning our children if they mess up as it is our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to help them through their problems and help them to move forward in a positive direction. They will appreciate your help and loyalty in the long run.

The black child needs to understand that there are rules which they need to stick to if they want to succeed. They need to talk with their parents, find out what are the goals which their parents have for them, also discuss with their parents any plausible ambitions which they may have and come to some conclusion as to what action is required to achieve them and follow it through. These children also need to know the value of hard work, to be honest and humble with their parents if they mess up. Usually the parent will over react at the disappointing news however, they tend to be very supportive after calming down. There is a saying – ‘experience is a great teacher but fools learn from it.’ not strictly true but the message here is, before you do something always think how it will benefit or harm you. Following your peers is more often than not a bad idea. So children get smart, remember you are the next generation of black leaders and nation builders.

Posted by: alkebulanwoman | January 20, 2008

THE BLACK FAMILY PLEDGE

 

BECAUSE we have forgotten our ancestors,
our children no longer give us honor.

BECAUSE we have lost the path our ancestors cleared
kneeling in perilous undergrowth,
our children cannot find their way.

BECAUSE we have banished the God of our ancestors,
our children cannot pray.

BECAUSE the old wails of our ancestors have faded beyond our hearing,
our children cannot hear us crying.

BECAUSE we have abandoned our wisdom of mothering and fathering,
our befuddled children give birth to children
they neither want nor understand.

BECAUSE we have forgotten how to love, the adversary is within our
gates, an holds us up to the mirror of the world shouting,
“Regard the loveless”

Therefore we pledge to bind ourselves to one another, to embrace our
lowliest, to keep company with our loneliest, to educate our illiterate,
to feed our starving, to clothe our ragged, to do all good things,
knowing that we are more than keepers of our brothers and sisters.

We ARE our brothers and sisters.

IN HONOR of those who toiled and implored God with golden tongues,
and in gratitude to the same God who brought us out of hopeless desolation, we make this pledge.

By Maya Angelo

Posted by: alkebulanwoman | January 20, 2008

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